sometimes i wonder what am i doing, why am i doing this.

all i wish to hear is how much am i worth for all this.




watch this space. more updates coming your way.




About a few weeks back on the night of armin van buuren, Jo suggested on going to her place for house party. Many weeks went past and last sat was that party. woke up rather early cause jo wanted me and hakim to help out. In the end much of the cooking was done by jo and siewying and me and hakim were like their runners. I met up with hakim at Bedok at around 2pm to look for some groceries and other stuff that the ladies needed for the night. We actually wanted to get french loaves but then we kept walking arnd the town and in the end we went back to NTUC to get the ones that hakim didnt want to get cause jo wanted the bigger ones. Got what we wanted and we headed for her place. Jo's place really looks cosy somehow, even though her place was quite small for me. Anyway both jo and siewying had already started to cook before we came over. They planned to cook shepherd's pie, breaded parmesan chicken, pasta, bruschetta, choco brownies and devil's eggs, and they managed to cook all of them in the end. Im seriously impressed by that because of the fact that i have nv eaten such italian/western food, and most of the time i spend my meals at the kopitham, at home or at the camp's pathetic cookhouse. So well done ladies!

Soon arnd 4, eddy and fendy came over. Me and Hakim were told to get some stuff at the grocery store nearby. eddy went over to help the rest of them to cook. Like when eddy said, "never trust a skinny chef!" . Soon one of jo's friend, leonard, came over. Somehow when i first saw him, he looked kinda familiar to me. Then jo told me that he was a national swimmer, guess i have probably seen him in the recent Asian Games on TV somewhere. o well. We decided to watch some dvds and have dinner at the same time. Gary came next. We started to watch The Covenant, some show about 4 male witches (whatever u call them), didnt quite enjoy the show so most of the time i was out at the balcony chilling with fendy and jo. We decided to play 5-10 and think all 3 of us drank quite abit. After that show, eddy decided to play the next show, Clockwork Orange. It was a strange show. Weird language used. In the beginning of the show i couldnt understand until somewhere near the middle/ending part of the show. Anyway siewying left early arnd halfway thru the show, think she had something on in the end. After the show, we decided to make more drinks and play more silly card games. We were quite wasted but then halfway thru the game, eddy and jo decided to make some supper for us, leftover bruschetta and weird looking pizza! Ate and had more drinks, cleaned up the area and we all slpt in the living room. I realised i have been kicking fendy 'cause he was slpping at the other end.

Most of us woke up at arnd 12 plus. Sat at the couch and watched some sunday morning tv programmes. Had chips and soft drinks for breakfast. Damn bad. Makes me realise how good our camp's cookhouse breakfast is. hahah. Anyway we decided to go down town to hang out and walk arnd. Initially wanted to catch a movie but by the time we got there, it was raining quite heavily and we cant go most of the places. Walked arnd town, settled dinner at scotts' food court, brought CUBE and FHM mags over at borders and had coffee after that at starbucks. Headed home after that.

Woke up at arnd 10 in the morning and went over to xinyi's workplace to have lunch with her. her workplace was at tanjong pagar, CBD area, lots of working class folks. i felt kinda out of place when i was eating at amoy street hawker centre. everyone was wearing business/formal wear, high heels, black leather shoes, ties and suits and here i was, wearing teeshirt from threadless.com and jeans. haha. i felt like as though i was on internship for a company back in my poly days. Nostalgic feeling. anyway after lunch, she wanted to go to the post office to send some stuff over for her friend in london. i was lost as well at the post office. hardly do i send stuff or posting to people overseas. anyway managed to ask arnd and got what she wanted. after that she went back to her office and i went off.




Today i almost lost my life. almost crashed into the right side metal barricade. Boss was driving us frm hendon camp, he said he was kinda falling aslp and so i decided to chit chat with him. I was kinda bored as it was a one sided conversation, so i decided to keep quiet. Upon reaching the bend i noticed we picked up speed and somehow the vehicle didnt follow the bend and started to sway to the right side. I quickly reached for his steering wheel and steered leftwards. Fuck. For a moment there was this sudden rush of adrenaline. doctor kinda got up from his micro-sleep. Wtf. 3 of our lives (Bernard was behind sleeping as well) could have been gone just like that. Somehow i knew if i didnt make the turn, we would have been dead by now. Reality set in when i was thinking back when i had the time to sit down and think about it. Facing death in the eye. Seriously i was kinda shaken by what actually happened. Wondering what could have actually happened if the car crashed and none of us died. Disabled for life? Im not ready for that. Seriously. I have so many things to accomplish, just too many, and 21 isnt a very right age to perish. Bernard's only fucking 19 yrs old. not even 20 yet. Sigh. Im just glad nothing happened at all.

Had dinner with my boss and bernard on Tues, boss wanted to go out and have dinner and play pool. had roasted duck at bt timah area. went over to mambo for pool. AO and his gf joined us later. im surprised to see him bounce back from his old relationship that fast. oh well, i have nothing to comment on that, it's not like as though im really good with relationships either. haha. Boss sent us back to camp after that.

Met up with joelle, hakim, eddy and fendy in town. As usual i was there early yet again. Then joelle came in. We kinda chit chatted for awhile before eddy and fendy came. Were suppose to meet at 7 in the first place but in the end eddy and fendy came at arnd 745 and i had to leave camp at arnd 9.30. Shit. So little time to spend out. Nothing really special in the end. Just one of those regular gatherings with friends.

Its Friday finally, and tonight will be my last night sleeping in camp and i will be back in camp nx year. ON LEAVE BABY!!! Gonna take a long deserved break before the next work year starts. Hectic work year but 2007 would be ORD YEARR!!! FINALLY!! Til then this is the end for now.




Just another post from camp. Sitting down in this cold dark office and having nothing much to do makes you wanna blog somehow. Weird feeling huh. Anyway this is a random post. having all those weird mixed bag feelings, a little bit of this and that, it's just weird to describe them. I dont even know what are they. I wonder how would you describe all that. Perhaps 'Royak'?
Spent the weekends at angela's chalet. Her chalet was really big i must say. Just too big. I think you can have a mini school gathering thing over there, or maybe a pri school gathering with all those noisy kids running arnd and having fun. Anyway after walking arnd idling and watching tv, we all decided to go down the beach, with xinyi wesley ning azhar and zhiwei. Walking down the stairs leading to the beach was rather difficult for me as i cant see really well in the dark, but i tried my best to lead my way to the beach as i was the only guy bringing the 2 ladies down the beach. Think we took some photos and we kinda felt bored and decided to take zhiwei's Honda Jazz to changi village to buy some drinks and walk arnd. We saw many trannys along the way. I feel sad for them, it's like they are trapped in this body but they cant get out and all. BUT what the heck, we carried on and walked arnd til we felt bored again and went further down the beach towards SFT terminal. That place brings me back memories. Memories of myself being a poor recruit booking in on those rather sad sunday nights. The bus ride, falling in, waiting at the ferry terminal, that boat ride with those lousy cushion seats and tv sets with lousy receptions (who can we blame, we are crossing 'overseas'). Man, those were good and bad memories that i will carry til my death bed. Anyway we went to the beach and kinda walked arnd to see alot of malay families camping out on a sat night. Quite nice to see the entire family camping out there and BBQ-ing. I think it's a rather interesting bonding experience for family or friends to do that. Think maybe should organise something like this some day like i told miss lee about it! hahah. Think we hung out of the time at the playground playing swings. Shall post more photos once i get back home. Went back to the chalet, guess we were just too tired and i knocked out instantly at the sofa back at the chalet. Went back home after that. Thanks for the ride zhiwei.
Booking back in today felt empty somehow, like a lack of motivation, isnt that sort of feeling that would disappear by the end of the week. It's just hard to describe this. Maybe a bit of sadness and happiness and emptiness and whatever. O well no point talking about them anyway. Perhaps someday if anyone out there feels like that, you will understand how I feel. Night folks. Back to my BUNK bed. Damn.




8 days have passed since i last blogged. Looks like there arnt much to blog about nowadays, considering the lack of facilities in camp for me to do so. Welcome to stay in platoon. Its hard to swallow this staying in issue. Initally it didnt struck me that hard, til the first night when i finally lay on my bed and the reality of staying in started to set it. Its SHITTY. The feeling of not being about to see your own room's ceiling is just crap, though theres nothing interesting on my ceiling, but the feeling is just...different. Somehow maybe after staying in i will start to appreciate things much better, even for the smallest of things like being about to stare at my ceiling pendent light. I guess from next week onwards people will start bringing in their own pillow casing, bed sheets and bolster to camp, just to make themselves comfortable like ken and cb vinson ( YES IT'S YOU AGAIN ). Yes, i cant stand your whining in bunk about going back home and smell your own bed and bringing girls back home vinson, so just shut up and slp.

Went to angela's place on sunday to pass her some cloths that she bought for wesley's chalet last time and she's gonna used them for her chalet this coming sunday. We chatted at her place and she kept bugging me about my blog but i refused to tell her til i gave in and told her when i got back that night. Anyway when i saw the mess in her house, i just felt like helping her clean up and make it neat and tidy. I like things to be tidy and in order. haha sorry thats just me. Anyway went home and talked to her online bout stuff and all. Im sure by the time u read this, i think you have already know what me and angela has been talking about. but anyway, just wish that she could just give that wide smile everytime. Its just comforting to see that somehow =p

Sometimes i wonder why i chose to create this pathetic looking blog but yet write nothing interesting ( well to some i guess ) about it. I have never like the thought of writing my feelings down somewhere or somehow. I feel that feelings should be kept to yourself or expressed out to others instead. Somehow its just weird to write about how you feel about stuff thats happening around you. What i mean is like very personal feelings. Maybe i feel vulnarable and i dont feel like exposing myself too much i guess. Dont know if that makes sense to anyone what the heck.

Has the army changed me? Yes. Why? I suppose the evil things and the screwed up system has taught me to be a person with no heart. Being a medic, im suppose to help those in need whenever i can. Yes i do that all the time. But to simply put it, not everyone deserves it. People just dont appreciate what you do in the army. Everyone here thinks that this is your responsiblity somehow and whenever they need us, they can just simply snap their fingers and expect us to march in like idiots or robots? cant they just be appreciative and say a little thank you somehow? Why cant everyone be like that? just be appreciative. even the smallest thing can mean alot to other people. Even saying a simple thank you to the auntie that helps you wash the dishes at the cookhouse everyday at the cookhouse, is good enough. All i need is someone to be appreciative in what i do everyday. i suppose i knew this difference when there was a change in my boss. My previous boss was a fucking cunt. He was unjust most of the time to us and never really quite appreciated when we do. It was an expectation to him. thats what i feel. My current boss, hes totally opposite, and somehow i felt that being able to have someone who appreciates, esp your own boss, makes alot of differences. Works feel much better and you are willing to give your 101% to work and not grumble and run away. ( yes i do that, who doesnt? ) So, bottomline is, just be appreciative to whoever is doing a favour for you, someday u might just need that favour from that person.

some rather heartbreaking news just broke out. thanks for the concern joe.








November 2006
December 2006
April 2007